Assertive Communication - 6 Tips For Effective Use

What IS assertive communication?

Assertive communication is the ability to express positive and negative ideas and feelings in an open, honest and direct way. It recognizes our rights while still respecting the rights of others. It allows us to take responsibility for ourselves and our actions without judging or blaming other people. And it allows us to constructively confront and find a mutually satisfying solution where conflict exists.

So why use assertive communication?

All of us use assertive behavior at times ... quite often when we feel vulnerable or unsure of ourselves we may resort to submissive, manipulative or aggressive behavior.

Yet being trained in assertive communication actually increases the appropriate use of this sort of behavior. It enables us to swap old behavior patterns for a more positive approach to life. I've found that changing my response to others (they work colleagues, clients or even my own family) can be exciting and stimulating.

The advantages of assertive communication

There are many advantages of assertive communication, most notably these:

• It helps us feel good about ourselves and others
• It leads to the development of mutual respect with others
• It increases our self-esteem
• It helps us achieve our goals
• It minimises hurting and alienating other people
• It brings anxiety
• It protects us from being taken advantage of by others
• It enables us to make decisions and free choices in life
• It enables us to express, both verbally and non-verbally, a wide range of feelings and thoughts, both positive and negative

There are, of course, disadvantages ...

Disadvantages of assertive communication

Others may not approve of this style of communication, or may not approve of the views you express. Also, having a healthy regard for another person's rights means that you will not always get what YOU want. You may also find out that you were wrong about a viewpoint that you held. But most importantly, as stated earlier, it involves the risk that others may not understand and therefore not accept this style of communication.

What assertive communication is not ...

Assertive communication is definitely NOT a lifestyle! It's NOT a guarantee that you will get what you want. It's definitely NOT an acceptable style of communication with everyone, but at least it's not being aggressive.

But it IS about choice

Four behavioral choices

There are, as I see it, four choices you can make about which style of communication you can employ. These types are:

direct aggression: bossy, arrogant, bulldozing, intolerant, opinionated, and overbearing

indirect aggression: sarcastic, deceiving, ambiguous, insinuating, manipulative, and guilty-inducing

submissive: wailing, moaning, helpless, passive, indecisive, and apologetic

assertive: direct, honest, accepting, responsible, and spontaneous

Characteristics of assertive communication

There are six main characteristics of assertive communication. These are:

• eye contact: demonstrates interest, shows sincerity
• body posture: congruent body language will improve the significance of the message
• gestures: appropriate gestures help to add emphasis
• voice: a level, well modulated tone is more convincing and acceptable, and is not intimidating
• timing: use your jurisdiction to maximize interceptivity and impact
• content: how, where and when you choose to comment is probably more important than WHAT you say

The importance of "I" statements

Part of being assertive involves the ability to appropriately express your needs and feelings. You can accomplish this by using "I" statements. These indicate ownership, do not attribute blame, focuses on behavior, identifies the effect of behavior, is direcdt and honest, and contributes to the growth of your relationship with each other.

Strong "I" statements have three specific elements:

• Behavior
• Feeling
• Tangible effect (consequence to you)

Example: "I feel frustrated when you are late for meetings.

Six techniques for assertive communication

There are six assertive techniques - let's look at each of them in turn.

1. Behavior Rehearsal: which is literally practicing how you want to look and sound. It is a very useful technique when you first want to use "I" statements, as it helps dissipate any emotion associated with an experience and allows you to accurately identify the behavior you wish to confront.

2. Repeated Assertion (the 'broken record'): this technique allows you to feel comfortable by ignoring manual verbal side traps, argumentative baiting and irrelevant logic while sticking to your point. To most effectively use this technique use calm repetition, and say what you want and stay focused on the issue. You'll find that there is no need to rehearse this technique, and no need to 'hype yourself up' to deal with others.

Example:

"I would like to show you some of our products"
"No thank you, I'm not interested"
"I really have a great range to offer you"
"That may be true, but I'm not interested at the moment"
"Is there someone else here who would be interested?"
"I do not want any of these products"
"Okay, would you take this brochure and think about it?"
"Yes, I will take a brochure"
"Thank you"
"You're welcome"

3. Fogging: this technique allows you to receive criticism comfortably, without getting angry or defensive, and without rewarding analytical criticism. To do this you need to acknowledge the criticism, agree that there may be some truth to what they say, but remain the judge of your choice of action. An example of this could be, "I agree that there are probably times when I do not give you answers to your questions.

4. Negative authority: this technique seeks out criticism about yourself in close relationships by prompting the expression of honest, negative feelings to improve communication. To use if effectively you need to listen for critical comments, clarify your understanding of those practices, use the information if it will be helpful or ignore the information if it is manipulative. An example of this technique would be, "So you think / believe that I am not interested?"

5. Negative assertion: this technique lets you look more comfortably at negatives in your own behavior or personality without feeling defensive or anxious, this also reduces your critiques' hostility. You should accept your errors or faults, but not apologise. Instead, tentatively and sympathetically agree with hostile criticism of your negative qualities. An example would be, "Yes, you're right. I do not always listen closely to what you have to say."

6. Workable compromise: when you feel that your self-respect is not in question, consider a workable compromise with the other person. You can always bargain for your material goals without the compromise affects your personal feelings of self-respect. However, if the end goal involves a matter of your self-worth and self-respect, THERE CAN BE NO COMPROMISE. An example of this technique would be, "I understand that you have a need to talk and I need to finish what I'm doing.

Conclusion

Assertiveness is a useful communication tool. It's application is contextual and it's not appropriate to be assertive in all situations. Remember, your sudden use of assertiveness may be perceived as an act of aggression by others.

There's also a guarantee of success, even when you use assertive communication styles appropriately.

"Nothing on earth can stop the individual with the right mental attitude from achieving their goal; nothing on earth can help the individual with the wrong mental attitude" WW Ziege

How to Manage Your Personal Finances - The Home Budget

In these days of economic hardship, more and more people are being forced to look at their expenses very carefully in order to make ends meet. However, it should not require a recession or major job cut scares to put this basic discipline in place and in fact, we should teach ourselves and our children to practice this basic discipline all the time. So, what is required to maintain a home budget? In essence, it requires the keeping of records of evey cent that you actually spend in any one month. There are many types of payments that we all incur in a month but these can generally be categorized in three categories as follows:

- Fixed cost bills
- Variable cost bills
- Dicressionary spending

The home budget should be drawn up to reflect these "expense centers" as separate blocks of costs each with a sub total which then highlights the size of the commitment. This way, one is forced to balance the budget by cutting back on variable and discretionary spend and to plan accordingly. The next step is to identify the different types of payments. Here we look at our actual monthly spend and then decide where the cost fits. Examples of the different types of payments are as follows:

Fixed Bills: Mortgage payments, Motor vehicle finance payments, Insurance policy payments, Property rates and taxes payments, Monthly savings (always try to save a percentage of income), Medical aid membership payments, School and university fees, domestic aid payments, daily parking payments at work etc. Note: Each household will be unique in what fixed bills that incur but it is important to identify all the costs which are non-variable monthly commitments

Variable Bills: Telephone bills, House hold costs, Clothing costs, Utilities bills, etc. Again each household will be different but this category lists all the costs where a person can influence the commitment by doing things differently or by cutting back on the spend. It is very important in this category to set a monthly budget per item and to adhere to the targeted spend.

Discretionary Spending: Cash withdrawals spent on things other than fixed and variable bills, entertainment spending, holiday costs, Annual subscriptions to publications etc. Here one must decide whether you can afford the spend or not.

Appart from the above spending, one must make monthly provisions ie put some money away, preferably in a separate bank account, for things like motor vehicle maintenance and servicing, annual club subscriptions, annual license renewals, annual levies on holiday properties, annual birthdays, etc. Again, each household will have it's own commitments here but it is important to identify these costs in order to provide for them.

In conlusion, once one starts keeping track of actual monthly expenses, it is surprising to see how much more aware one becomes of opportunities to reduce this spend. Some households find out that they have been spending way in excess of what they can afford and their reliance on credit is then highlighted. We must remember that the budget must balance otherwise we have to cut and shape it until it does balance.

No home should run it's affairs without a monthly budget.

Bigger Differences Between Regular Computers and Gaming Computers

The Gap between Gamer PCs and Regular Computers is Growing

Traditionally, the difference between your average computers and gamer PCs has always been simple: your average computer was built with near outdated technology and your gamer PC was built the latest and greatest components. Now as technology is taking leaps and bounds in program and game design as well as in software development and application, computer hardware has had to be improved and innovated faster than ever before. Program developers are making their most creative and exotic imaginings become virtual reality on computer hardware that is years ahead of what average desks are normally comprised. Gamer PCs have been built to bring to life on the monitor the developers' best renderings of their imaginations.

Innovation

In order to keep up with developers 'and players' demands for performance, advances in hardware have grown at an alarming rate, lengthening the gap between gamer PCs and regular computers by years. One of the largest differences when looking at the latest high-end gamer PC compared to a regular system is that the latest gamer PC has liquid cooling tubes which keep the CPU and graphics cards chilled and running faster. The lack of empty space is also quite obvious; whereas, in a normal desktop there is often glaring spaces of emptiness that do not exist in its competition.

Visual Performance

Another conspicuous dissimilarity between normal desktop computers and gaming computers is the performance when playing programs like Crisis or Skyrim. The quality of play and visual performance is astounding on computers for gamers, especially when compared with the play and visual performance on a regular desktop system. The graphics cards in the comparison above are often completely incompatible to begin with. Not to mention the CPUs running them would also be on totally separate levels in term of processing speed and power.

Speed ​​and Price

The speed and processing power of gaming computers would normally begin near the 3.0 GHz range. This is where you might be able to reach if you were to try and overclock the CPU on an average desktop computer. An average desktop could cost anywhere from $ 800- $ 2,000, whereas a high-end performance machine could cost upwards of $ 10,000- $ 15,000 for a cutting edge, custom built, overclocked computer.

The differences between regular computers and gamer PCs has stretched and grown in every way including dollar signs. The most obvious difference, however, is simply in performance.

Auto Insurance Does Not Mean The Same Things To People In The Financial Profession

It is amazing how much literature has been written about the car insurance business online. The main approach in use by the bulk of the writings is in the direction of selling car insurance, rather than offer it in the proper context of insurance product or 'a product to protect your assets and wealth.' That is why when searching for the phrase 'auto insurance' a large number of websites emerge with the 'selling' phrases like affordable auto insurance, or cheap auto insurance or low cost auto insurance.

In the early part of 2011 and according to Google AdWords there were 8,100; 74,000; 9,900 monthly searches for the above key phrases, respectively. On the other hand, there were only 110 searches for the phrase 'reliable auto insurance', 170 searches for 'quality auto insurance', and 8,100 for 'top auto insurance companies.' It is rather easy to conclude that most of the searches on line are about price, not quality of insurance.

A basic principle in marketing is to understand what people 'want' and design and package your product or service to meet what the folks want. Looking at those numbers we can tell that most people want cheap auto insurance. As a marketer, if you design any campaign without considering that analysis you may actually flunk the marketing tests, close your website and go do something else.

So what's the difference between auto insurance polices? From a 'financial planning perspective' car insurance comparison should never be based on price only, and sometimes most people agree that cheap insurance is not necessarily the best car insurance. But what most people do not know is that an insurance policy with the best rated company may also be one of the most problematic contract. An auto insurance policy should be compared in reference with three factors:

1. Price: of course the cheaper the better.

2. Company Rating: Non standard companies are more flexible than their standard or preferred counterparts with regard to past violations found on the MVR activities of the drivers and the credit score of the car insurance applicants. However, non standard companies are harsher than others in customer service and paying claims. Most of complains come from non standard insurance companies. While preferred companies do not hesitate to quickly pay for smaller claims suck as seven or eight thousand dollars claim, or even little more; all companies from top to bottom will try to examine the application to see if they have to or do not have to pay a $ 100,000 claim.

3. Liability Limits. This is the most ignored, least understood, but is the most important aspect of the policy which affect customers during time they need the insurance. It measures how much protection you have in the event you get sued. A professional financial advisor will never ever sell you an auto insurance policy at low limits if he / she has sufficient information that you and your spouse have sufficient wealth to be sued for in the event that you or a family household member cause a major auto accident and your car insurance pays the maximum on the policy which turns out not to be enough.

There are many insurance policies sold with superior insurance companies at the lowest liability limits mandated by the state. In the State of Illinois these limits are 20/40/15, which means that in the event you cause an accident that is your fault and you get sued by others, then your company will pay to others on your behalf no more than $ 20,000 for bodily injury for one person, no more than $ 40,000 for bodily injury for all other people in the accident, and a maximum of $ 15,000 for any and all property damage you case in that accident. If you are a business owner and you cause a major accident resulting in a unbeaten lawsuit of $ 300,000 and your insurance company maxed the payment on the policy and paid $ 20,000, the difference of $ 280,000 will have to come from your own money!

Financial Planners and Auto Insurance Marketers Are Not in Harmony

Financial planners are not in harmony with insurance marketers about the weight that needs to be placed on limits of liability in auto insurance. Marketers like to stress the aspects of price and company rating, while financial planners like to stress the importance of liability limits first, then company rating second, and perhaps price at a later stage.

Although financial planners and auto insurance marketers have the common goals of maximizing their salaries while providing their services, the scope of their operations is different. Auto insurance marketers make their money by selling as many polices as they can have. The marketer does his best to make as many sales as possible, since making small amount of money on too many policies sold. Financial planners work differently as they try to make big money from each of the few number of customers they have. Selling an auto policy is not the primary concern of a financial planner, but for him or her auto insurance is one of the fundamental subjects of the financial planning process.

Car insurance agents look at auto insurance as a way to protect the car itself in the event of theft, fire or another loss, including the fact that it's the law. Financial planners look at auto insurance as an integral part of their clients risk management process. To the financial planner an auto policy is not to repair the car in the event of loss, but is mainly about protecting the assets and wealth of the insured, especially against potential lawsuits.

Some auto insurance marketers would even suggest to cut down on liability insurance as a way to save money. No sound financial planner will ever make such a suggestion. No way!

When does height matter?

How high your liability limits should be the main issue that should prevail when you buy car insurance. You probably need only the minimum liability limits mandated by the states if / when (1) you shopped for higher limits and could not afford it, (2) your current assets or wealth is not big enough to expose you to further lawsuits in the event of at fault auto accident. (3) you are a high risk driver where no one else wants to insure you except at the minimum limits. But, if you have certain amounts of assets and wealth, or is expected to have sizable assets or wealth, then you need to worry about the height of your liability limits.

What about if you are not wealthy with plenty of assets? Even for people with little or no wealth, the height of liability limits should be much of a concern to them. This is due to the fact that liability insurance contains certain coverage to pay for your bodily injuries in the event that you get hit by a vehicle that is legally uninsured, or is insured but the insurance on that vehicle was not enough to cover your bodily injuries . According to the Insurance Research Council, approximately 15% to 17% all drivers in the United States are uninsured. Coverage for Uninsured Motorist (UM) and Underinsured Motorist (UIM) varies from states to states with regard to their mandatory status and limit amounts. In Illinois UM is mandatory at the limits of $ 20,000 for bodily injury per person and $ 40,000 for bodily injury per accident. Underinsured motorists coverage is not mandatory in Illinois but insurance companies must offer it to clients for policies issued with liability over the state limits. Clients can still reject to have higher uninsured / underinsured motorists but it must be in writing. As you can see, your liability only policy provides coverage for your bodily injuries, and making sure that you have high limits on both liability, UM and UIM can have a tremendous effect on your life.

The Impact of Computer Use on Childhood Development

If you are curious about the impact of computer use on child hood development and would like to know if your child is benefiting from your home computer or the computer that use at school, then read on to learn about the pros and cons on the impact of computer use on childhood development.

The impact of computer use on childhood development in today's society can be beneficial and yet damaging. Some computer programs have been made to teach our children how to write, read, and spell. There may also be a large amount of children that have gotten more knowledge through using such programs and have succeeded immensely. Many programs developed through our technologies history have been proven to heighten children's learning abilities. Such programs include, matching, problem solving, and even skill building.

Another pro that can be considered when figuring out the impact of computer use on childhood development, falls under the category of learning how to navigate and being able to achieve in certain games that allow your child to defeat various challenges and levels. Completing these goals can build a child's confidence and make them feel like a winner. Some computer games let you choose how difficult or easy you want the game to be allowing almost anyone to accomplish a challenge.

Whether your child is at a young age or is approaching their teen years, some computer programs were made to be more of a menace to your child's development. Be aware of these games, for they can ruin your child's ability to learn with just one click. If your child is becoming obsessed with a certain computer game and tend to be getting more lazy around the house, then it is time to try intervening and helping your child find more upbeat activities to engage in.

Another important factor that you should consider while figuring out the impact of computer use on childhood development, is the ratings on the games your children choose to play. Some computer games are extremely violent and include high rating content that most children should not be able to get their hands on. These games can invite hostile emotions that may affect your child to the point of acting out the characters in the game, causing a problem for not only your child, but for everyone that lives in the home.

There are definitely some important factors that need to be explored before purchasing any computer program for your child or children. Try looking up the program on-line first to see what the rating is or if the program has any qualities to help your child in their learning development. Also, do not forget to check the rating on any computer games your child purchases or brings into the home. It is always better to be safe than sorry when it comes to the safety of what kind of content your child may be engaging in.

How to Make Money Fast by Retrieving and Returning Shopping Carts

Are you looking for a way to make money fast? If you have a large utility vehicle, like a pick-up truck, you can retrieve and return shopping carts for a cash reward.

Most every mid to large retail grocery, variety and department store has a stock of shopping carts on hand. They are purchased by the store, of course, so that customers can use them when shopping in their store.

Shopping buggies are expensive. The average cost to the retailer for just one is between 75 and 100 dollars. Large ones like the kind you find at wholesale and club stores can run up for 200 dollars or more.

Most retail stores have dozens of them; busy big-box stores may even have hundreds of them. Purchasing sufficient of them to meet a store's demand and traffic levels requires a significant expenditure of cash.

It is, therefore, in the best interest of the retailer to protect that investment. Most retailers do their best to make sure that carts remain on store property. However, shopping buggy theft is all too common. The average store loses about $ 8,000 $ 10,000 to per year to this problem.

Because they are so expensive to buy, many store owners and retail companies pay cash rewards for the return of their carts which have been stolen (or "borrowed") and not returned. Cash rewards typically range from 25 to 50 dollars per cart.

Here's how you can retrieve and return those buggies for cash: contact retailers in your area which have shopping carts. Find out if they pay for returned carts. Many do, but will not give cash rewards to just anyone. (Store owners do not want the public to abuse the reward system by stealing carts themselves in order to get the reward.) Usually you have to sign a cash-for-return contract.

You'll have to provide some forms of identification, usually a driver's license plus one other item (like a Social Security or credit card). You may have to sign a waiver absolving the store of liability in the event of something unforeseen.

You can make arrangements with any or all of the retailers in your area. The more contracts you have, the more money you can make.

If you've lived in your city for any length of time, you've probably seen common dump sites for stolen shopping buggies. Visit these areas regularly. Additionally, get in the habit of keeping your eyes open every time you're out and about town. You'll probably spot discarded shopping carts regularly. You can pick these up and return them as you come across them, or store them at home until you have several of them.

Remove Backdoor Cycbot! Gen2 From Your Computer Now

One of the most dangerous computer malware is this backdoor cycbot which slyly takes control of your vulnerable computer. It gets a place inside your computer system without your permission and gets configured when your system is booted. The main aim of this Trojan is to take command over your system and can leak your account details, credit card details and password to other accounts. It has a key logger application which incarcerates all the key strokes of the user. It can self download many other malware to the system and corrupt it further.

Backdoor Cycbot! Gen2 is a major threat to the security and its surrounding networks. Each time you boot the system it get activated and starts a fake scan and displays several malware infections. But remember, all this is just an eye wash, it displays several pop ups, security alerts and notifications. This sly Trojan shows that you have trouble in your internet explorer, Firefox or Google and directs you to its malicious websites which further corrupts your system. Your hard drive gets hampered, and so do DLL files and several other programs of the system.

The backdoor Cycbot! Gen2 is a rogue malware and it has the capability of restoring and repairing itself and hence can not be deleted from your system easily. Manual removal of the virus requires technical skills and its best if done by some software techie. A layman can take the help of this spyware removal software and scan your system with it. You should always have this software installed in your system for internet privacy and it also keeps all the Trojans away. This Spyware software completely removes backdoor Cycbot! Gen2 from your computer system and also repairs the damaged DLL. You can enhance the performance of your system by using a PC optimizer tool which cleans all the damaged files.

Identification of the Backdoor Cycbot! Gen2 is very important and the earlier it is detected the better it is. Some of it symptoms are as follows:

• Google and yahoo searches are redirected to the malicious website.
• If your system becomes slow suddenly, then check as back door cycbot! gen2 might have attacked your system.
• Sudden pop up ads are also because of this Trojan and it can completely disrupt your computer functioning.

You should not show any lethargy with these malicious computer viruses and act on them immediately otherwise your essential in formations like password etc can get stolen and the system can also crash.